SID Youth Blog

Honesty in relationships…

Honesty…how far is too far?

Everybody likes to say “please be honest with me” but when it comes to actually doing it, the tune changes. Honesty and relationships. How far do you go? What do you consider to be too much information? I don’t know about you but I find that sometimes it’s very difficult to reveal some things and i’m sure that i’m not the only one in this boat. We all ask questions like , what if things go wrong, what if they reject me? At the same time we worry about what will happen when your partner gets the information from elsewhere.
What am I getting at? Don’t hide things from your partner because guilt will haunt you until you do, and when you feel guilty, you worry and when you worry ,you stress and when you stress ,you stress your partner and when you stress your partner, you stress the relationship. Do you catch the drift? When you stress the relationship say goodbye to happily ever after.
So what do you do when you feel some things are better left unsaid? I would say if relationship is strong, it will be able to withstand any storm and i’m not just saying this for the sake of passing time. I must admit that they may be arguments and a bit of anger as a reaction to the information you share ,but if a relationship is strong you are sure that it will heal. When you have the guts to tell your partner everything , what you are actually saying is that you are sure about the relationship and when you are not open with each other it means you are not confident. I was about to say “it may mean you are not confident” but I’ve realized that the word “may” does not quite describe it. If you can not share everything with your partner it means the relationship is fragile and such a relationship will break one way or the other even for the most insignificant reason.
In short ,total honesty is a need in relationships but like most things there are rules to it:

• Don’t ask questions if you are not prepared to hear the honest truth. When you feel the need to know something make sure you are ready for whatever you are told.
• Don’t use the truth against you partner at some later stage . Don’t bring up the past . Leave it where it belongs, in the past.
• When you decide to share information don’t give half truth otherwise there is no point. Either you tell it all or tell nothing at all..

I’d like to leave you with a special recipe for true love : 1 Corinthians 13:4-7
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Saneliso

A burden light enough…

While sorting the washing the other day, I saw a woman come into the Laundromat pushing a trolley with six large waste bags of dirty washing. “A new record” I thought to myself, I watched as she stopped next to the machine, picked up a bag and tore it open over the open machine door, she repeated the process six times filling four large washing machines! All that was left for her to do was wait for the process of wash, rinse, spin and dry to happen. She sat down, sighed and began talking, not to anyone in particular but she just spoke, I looked up at her and asked the question, do you come here often? She said no and explained that her washing machine no longer worked. She then added that having six children was also not making the process easier, and then she said that losing her job wasn’t much of a help either, except that it gave her the time to come and do the washing. She sighed and then smiled and told me that she was great full that her husband went back to work for the first time in two years after having been robbed and in the process he was shot in the back of the head and by God’s grace the bullet only grazed the side of his brain and although the damage was severe, after many months in hospital and rehabilitation He pulled through.

I immediately thought to myself that this is my chance to share with her all about God and His amazing grace. I thought that I could tell her that she just needed to hang in there, “God will provide.” She looked at me while I was thinking what to say and asked me, “Do you know my God?” and before I could answer she went further and said, “Do you know that he loves me? And because God loves me, I want you to know that He loves you too! I want you to know that God will provide for you too!” I was lost for words I had nothing that this woman didn’t have, in fact, She gave me Jesus all over again. Sometimes our souls are saved by the faith of those who have suffered and lost more. For in losing we have much to gain!

Psalm 46:10 “Be still and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the nations!  I will be exalted among the earth!

When it Rains

I arrived at the Laundromat the other day just to find that there wasn’t a machine available and it was one of those days where I was handed a number and then I was told to wait.  Have you any Idea how long you wait when they start handing out numbers? Well, neither did I. Two hours had passed and finally my turn came, I quickly found my way through the people and their washing and claimed the tokens for the machine. I put my basket down and started the weekly process of wash, spin, rinse, spin and dry. In the process, a group of the regular customers started talking about how amazed they were that there were so many people in the Laundromat that day, and it was no wonder at all. For six weeks it rained and then it poured and just when it looked as though it was going to stop, it drizzled, rained and poured! The weather outside was terrible and no washing could be done. And that was why the Laundromat was packed.

I started thinking about how true this is in the real world, when we as humanity face tragedy, when the rains of life make a simple existence unbearable or even nearly impossible. In those times people try to find a place to come clean, a place where they can dry the wet clothes before they become mouldy…  I don’t think I need to spell it out any further, but for the sake of keeping my conscience clear I have to ask, Have you done the washing lately? The greatest part of all is that when I finished up and made my way outside, the sun had for the first time in weeks burnt a way through the clouds.

The storms in life bring us together and when the sun comes out, it is up to us who KNOW to testify of the God, Who in the midst of a storm can bring perfect peace.

A pair of socks, a glass of wine and a telephone call.

I met a homeless man the other day; he came into the Laundromat to wash the new clothes he had bought from community goods shop. I heard him speaking to one of the customer assistants as he showed off his new patched trousers, she smiled and let him be. I watched him through the pages of my newspaper as he crouched over in the corner to undo the lace that held his cardboard sneakers together. He pulled off half a sock from one foot and from the other foot a different sock altogether, I watched as he sighed, his head bent over in a moment of quiet thought and instead of throwing them in the washer, he turned and dropped them in the bin. I looked over at my half done washing and decided to offer one of my own pairs of socks to him I approached him and stretched out my hand, he looked at me and said, “you better not tell the guys in the bin that I took these from you. We come a long way and they’ll be more than heart broken.” I smiled and went back to observing him through the pages. I felt quite noble and proud of the deed I had done and I was sure that this man might have seen a bit of Jesus in me. 

While packing my clean goods in the car, the man came to me with a friend and said, “I wanted to thank you but you were busy.” He bent over, opened his backpack, which held very little other than the 1liter carton of red wine, which he poured and offered to me in a well preserved polystyrene cup. I explained that I didn’t drink and he kindly drank on my behalf, Once more he attempted to offer the only other item of value he possessed, a beautiful pair of earrings. They belonged to his wife he said, “She passed away two years now, she died and left me here.” I closed his open hand and looked him in the eyes. I realized then that it was not him who needed to see Jesus in me but rather for the first time it was I who saw Jesus in him. I asked him if I could offer him something more? He sighed and said, “Sir, Just one phone call home, my time is up and there is nothing more I want than to make sure my mother and children are taken care of. I too soon will pass I’ll never make it home, the doctor made it clear.” 

A pair of socks, a glass of wine and a telephone call reminded me of Jesus, who had no home, who offered all, even His very last and then called home to say, “Father forgive them for they do not know what they are doing.”

Just to make sure we’re all taken care of.

They love me not

what happens when you love someone who does not love you back? I say love them enough to let it go because while you concentrate on them, real love may pass you by. Sometimes the real thing is right under your nose. The fact that they did not reciprocate does not make them a bad person, it just means that they were not meant for you and vice versa. If you are fortunate enough they may come back but if they don’t, don’t cry. Go out there and get somebody who deserves you and who can love you back the way you do. You are special so don’t treat yourself any less. This is not just for females. Males go through rejection as well but because they are men, they hide it and this is when they begin to reject any idea of someone actually loving them. Don’t shut people out. Make new friends and be open minded about it. Know when to make a grand exit. Bottom line when your love is rejected don’t weep, somebody is probably dying to talk to you as well you so why give THEM a chance.
Love and leave. Enough said.

Sany

You may kiss the bride, then what?

Ok so the groom has kissed the bride, and you have gone for your honeymoon, now what? Well, firstly this is when the dating game really begins. Don’t stop dating each other. Spray that perfume/dior, dress up, go for a walk, go for concerts. bottom line , don’t just stay at home and stare at each other. ( you may get tired of seeing the same face over and over again) It’s not about how much money you spend but about how much time you spend together.

The kitchen is not for ladies and the garden is not for men. Don’t make a rule of of something that was never one. Help each other and appreciate the work your spouse is doing. It’s wise to learn how to do everything just in case you are alone one day and have to do it.

I always say and will continue to say you are not a rehab centre neither is your spouse so don’t make it a mission to try and change them. God gave us different personalities so appreciate those differences. It may sound unfair but yes accept the things you can not change and appreciate what you have. Be the change you want to see.

Secrets. Stay away from them. they are bad for you. The secrets you keep from each other will come back and haunt you. Be open with each other. Your spouse really should be you best friend. Enough said.

Romantic surprises are not old tales. They work so do keep them coming.

Inspire your spouse to want to be the best they can be. Don’t play the “Pull Me Down” game. Help them achieve their dreams.

Life will not always be a smooth ride but learn to trust that you and your partner can come through it. If you could get to the alter and utter the words “I do” then surely you can beat anything else.

Till death do us part. Don’t allow Delilah or Mr Nice Guy to break that vow. Never leave 80% love and security for 20% fun and joy rides ,it’s not worth it.

Pray together otherwise your house will crumble before you can even blink. Make God the third rope in your home and never throw that Rope away.

Saneliso

I WANT TO SEE!!!

I WANT TO SEE!!!

Just the other day after going through the process of sorting the washing, packing the machine and then allowing the program to run its course, I sat back, picked up a book and went about my own business. A Little boy and his mommy arrived and started the process themselves, this little guy was more eager to get involved in doing the washing than anyone I have ever come across,  (myself included) He would pick the washing up off the floor and kind of throw it into the top of the machine while his mommy was sort of trying to make sure the colours and the whites were in the right places. But finally the work was done and It was the machine’s turn to do the work of cleaning the dirty clothes. The boy’s mommy picked him up and let him close the lid of the machine and press the start button. The machine started to hum, the little boy stood by the machine and his mommy left for the restroom.

While she was out I saw his little eyes light up as the wheels in his mind went into first gear.  he pulled a chair closer and climbed to where he was able to see get to the top of the machine, he took a quick look around and then reached for the lid and opened it. The machine suddenly stopped, surprised, the boy looked around and closed the lid and the machine once again started. The little boy repeated the action and got the same result three times over. I could see the frustration building but he was determined to see how the washing was being done and for one last time he reached out and opened ever so slightly the lid, attempting to catch a slight glimpse of how the clothes were being cleaned but once again the process was interrupted and the machine stopped. By this time the boy’s mommy was standing at the door, smiling and silently observing, the boy looked up at her and cried out, “I WANT TO SEE!!!”  She smiled at him and tried to comfort him but he still believed that seeing would make it better.

Strange how we are all just like that little boy, we ask God to cleanse and renew us, we give all our cares and worries, our sins and sorrows over to Him. And we expect to see how each problem just disappears. And because God is God, we need to remember that once we have committed to Him, He will be faithful in completing the good work that He has started in us (weather we can see it happening or not.) A large part of the healing is in letting God do His work.    

Phi 1:6  God is the one who began this good work in you, and I am certain that he won’t stop before it is complete on the day that Christ Jesus returns.

New Media Evangelism

The world of media has never been as exciting and diverse as it is today. Everyday we are bombarded by various forms of media which compete for our attention. As a result the growing trends in media, evangelism has and is continuing to evolve. Various forms of “New Media” have made it possible for the lay person (person who is not a pastor, bishop, etc.) to get actively involved in evangelism. The Bible tells us that the end will only come once the gospel has been preached to all the world. I strongly believe that New Media Evangelists will play a big role in this global mission.

So what exactly is New Media Evangelism? To answer this question, lets break it down piece by piece.

What is New Media?

New media is a generic term for the many different forms of electronic communication that are made possible through the use of computer technology. The term is in relation to “old” media forms: print newspapers and magazines, that are static representations of text and graphics.

New media includes:

• websites
• blogs
• e-mail
• online communities
• DVD and CD-ROM media
• mobile computing
• digital cameras

What is a New Media Evangelist?

A New Media Evangelist is someone who uses television, radio, and the internet to spread the message of hope via new media platforms such the internet and cell phones in appropriate new genres.

In conclusion, I hope I managed to successfully relate exactly what new media evangelism is. In the next couple of days I will share how you can learn more about about this exciting method of evangelism.

Question: What are your thoughts on New Media Evangelism? Are you currently engaged in it?

Do What You Love To Do

Work, Home, Life...

“Do what you love to do” is one of the most basic productivity tips of all.  The fact is that you’ll be much more productive when you do work you enjoy. Unfortunately, this tip is as obvious as it is ignored.

Doing work you love is not remotely the same thing as doing work you find moderately pleasant either. When you’re working in a field you love, your motivation is usually high because you feel passionate about what you’re doing. You don’t have to push yourself just to get going each day. You wake up in the morning already motivated and certain that you are going to do something you love.

One usually works at a fast tempo when you enjoy your work. You’ll also do better quality work, and high-quality work is more efficient than low-quality work. Low-quality work generates inferior results and often has to be redone.

It’s a waste of time trying to be productive in a field you don’t enjoy. Such a struggle is a complete waste of your life. Why subject yourself to such punishment? You deserve better!

I’ve heard hundreds of different excuses for why people claim they can’t do what they love — not enough money, no time, not good enough, wife won’t let me, etc. They can all be condensed down to two words: “I’m scared.”

The people who are doing what they love were also scared. They could all come up with the same excuses. But at some point they decided it was unacceptable to have their lives dictated by fear, so they opted to face their fear and push through it. They decided to overcome their problems instead of turning them into excuses. Those who remain stuck still allow their fear to rule them.

Ultimately it’s a choice. Either you commit to doing what you love, or you don’t. Which side do you think involves the most suffering?

7 Tips to Being a Great Conversationalist…

"What did you mean?"

Over the years I have been told that I am easy to talk to and have good conversation skills. I guess that is because I am a peoples person, I just love meeting new people and having conversations with them on just about anything that may come up. It didn’t always used to be like this though, I have read a couple of books and been fortunate enough to know some brilliant conversationalists and learnt from them how to improve my own conversational and communication skills. How can you improve your conversational skills to become a welcome sight at every party and social event you attend? Here are some tips that might help.

1) Ask questions

The truth is that most people prefer to talk about themselves and are hardly interested to hear about the other person or people in the conversation. Asking non-threatening questions is a great way to start and refresh conversations. If you know someone moderately well then you should be aware of some of their interests so questions about these interests is a good way to start. As you get to know people better you can begin to ask more searching questions like “What is your greatest ambition in life?” or “What is the most challenging thing you have ever had to face?”

By asking questions you engage people and draw them in. It is said that small minds talk about people, moderate minds talk about events and great minds talk about ideas. By all means start the conversation with some small talk but once it is going be prepared to introduce some questions relating to issues and ideas.

2) Listen

A simple fact is that good conversationalists are good listeners. The key is to listen attentatively whether you are with one person or with a group of people. Also, when you listen you learn. When you are speaking you are not learning anything new. Make a conscious effort to focus on what people say. Show that you are genuinely interested by asking questions that support and develop the conversation; “What do you mean exactly?”, “What happened next?”, or “How did you feel about that?” I discussed more on this in a recent post called The Platinum Rule.

By listening and observing in a group situation you can time your contribution to bolster the current conversation or move it forward to something new and interesting.

3) Give compliments

Remember to give compliments whenever you can, and do it sincerely because people will know if you are just trying to flatter them.  If someone looks smart or has lost weight or has a stylish new haircut then show that you have noticed by giving a genuine compliment.

4) Keep yourself current with topical issues

It is important to keep up to date on key current issues and topics in the news, entertainment, sports and politics. You should be ready to comment with questions, ideas, facts and opinions on the issues that other people are interested in. You can do this by seeing a few of the latest movies, read some of the most popular books, read the newspapers, watch the news, keep up with some major sports stories and watch some TV – but not too much:-) You do not need to slavishly follow every program but if someone asks you what are your favourite TV programmes then you should be able to list some popular and serious program and justify what it is you like about them.

Make your points with conviction, evidence and, if possible, humour. In a social environment be careful not to become belligerent or cantankerous. In general it is best to avoid really sensitive or controversial topics especially if they risk offending people’s personal feelings.

5) Be Funny

One thing I love to do is make people laugh and also have a good laugh myself. There is a place for serious discussion and there is a place for humour, so be ready to contribute in either environment. Be bold enough to add your comments and witticisms and carefully watch peoples reactions to see whether you are hitting the right note. Have a stock of funny stories. Do not force them into the conversation but rather have them ready when you get the cue or when there is an opening to use them. Personal anecdotes relating to unusual experiences and misfortunes that have happened to you often go down well. Jokes, quotes and other people’s witty remarks can also be used sparingly and with acknowledgement. Remember to laugh at other people’s funny stories, even if you have heard them before, but never give away someone else’s punch line.

6) Speak Clearly

When you speak, say what you have to say with clarity and enthusiasm. Don’t mumble your words, or rush through them or whisper so quietly that people have to strain to hear them. Good conversationalists are clear, articulate, and easy to understand. They use interesting metaphors and visual images. Keep your sentences short and to the point.

7) Enjoy yourself

Remember to just be yourself and don’t try to be anything that you are not. Relax and enjoy the occasion whatever it might be. People prefer to mix with the happy and good-natured rather than grumpy and miserable people. Have fun and really enjoy meeting new people at every opportunity.